The overdose problem among drug users is serious. Barn hopping overdose, however, is a relatively new danger on the barnyard scene because barn hopping itself is a recently discovered form of addiction.
Invented by attendees at the Rootin’ Tootin’ Addiction Bootin’ Boot Camp, “hopping” has actually been causing injuries and even fatalities for a while now, although the general public had remained mostly unaware of its existence because of the cover up until Fox News broke the story. Fingers are being pointed at RTAB Boot Camp’s senior counselor, Sergeant Bullpig, for not having nipped barn hopping in the bud before it could take hold in the feeble minds of addicted camp residents, but hey. It’s not like he knew about it before the Chameleon Pig story broke.
That’s what he told the reporters today. It’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Our story opens with a quick peek at RTAB’s most notorious attendees, Jiggy Skunk and Rabhab, the Rabbit with a Habit. Those two, for whatever reason, have become best friends at the camp and are doing surprisingly well, staying straight and clean into their third week of rehab. Rabhab is even keeping a journal of his personal progress. He’s titled the tome Rabhab at Rehab and hopes to find a friendly editor to get the journal published someday, possibly in The CLUCKERS Chronicle. Jiggy, much to his own amazement, is becoming something of a living legend, with a rep of being tough enough to stay straight and to whip anybody who doesn’t like it, as Brewster Rooster found to his sorrow.
Staying straight is not, however, the goal of most of the other campers.
Few are there voluntarily; if they can beat the system, they will. Which is how barn hopping came about. Denied access to cack, spack, cracked corn, or any other known barnyard drug, the young addicts at the camp are nothing if not creative. It’s generally accepted among researchers that the first true barn hopper was Trixie Chick, front singer for the barnyard band, Trixie Chicks, and a known dumb cluck except for one thing: She believed she’d found a free way to get high, over and over and over again. Her solution was simple. She would climb to the barn roof, way up there, and hop off.
Barn roof. High. Get it?
It worked, too. Her stubby little chicken wings didn’t do much in the flying category, but furious flapping on the way down kept her from smashing her hollow bird bones into calcified toothpicks. She had found the best possible solution–for her.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t all just about Trixie Chick. Other barnyard critters disgusted with the no-drugs rigor of Rootin’ Tootin’ began following Trixie’s lead, barn hopping off the roof…and not all of her barn hopping disciples (or simply “hoppers”, as they came to be known in the media) had wings. The gathering of Boot Camp folks out behind the barn often witnessed critters “taking the hop”, and for the wingless ones, one hop was usually a fatal overdose.