Comment Spam on Your Website: The Comic Relief Factor

Building a website is one thing. The comic relief factor provided by the wording of certain comment spam left on such a website is something else altogether. Not that there’s anything funny about getting deluged with smelly verbiage sprinkled liberally with outgoing links to unrelated commercial sites…but once that’s brought under control (using the Akismet plugin on a WordPress powered site, for example), it’s hard to stop laughing.

Here are a few examples of comment spam wording that’s tried (unsuccessfully) to hit G32 (this site) recently:

Example #1: This comes to us from a plumbing supply house in the UK and was left on the page I published about building a very strong $300 shower curtain hanger around a clawfoot tub for $25.

Whats up cool web page! Person. Lovely. Great. I will bookmark your blog plus use the feeds in addition? We are thankful to search out a lot of beneficial data the following from the post, we want work out extra methods this particular consideration, thanks for expressing.

Person. Lovely. Great. The spammer did a pretty good job; that comment slipped halfway through the Akismet screen. That is, Akismet did not automatically toss it into the “known spam” pile but put in the queue for moderation by yours truly just in case it might not be spam.

I’ve long wondered why a few spammers were so persistent. For months, we’ve been seeing 2,500 to 3,500 attempted spam comments every single day, nearly all of them being automatically detected and rejected by Akismet. Now, there are signs that some of them may be wising up. Instead of thousands of “caught spam” comments in the pile this evening, there are only thirty.

That inspired this post. Here at G32, spam comments are starting to look like an endangered species. We’d best enjoy the comic relief they provide before they go the way of the dodo, the passenger pigeon, and the honest politician. (That’s tongue in cheek, folks. Comment spam is not going extinct in the foreseeable future.)

Example #2: Don’t ask me what this says; I’m not exactly fluent in Chinese. Oddly enough, more than half of this site’s views do come from China. Why? Are my Chinese readers truly interested in our local wildlife photography? Western fiction? Etc.? Or are they convinced this must somehow be a secret U.S. government site, and they’re trying to crack the code? Perhaps they realize that I have a “thing” about beautiful Asian women even though I’ve never so much as had a date (let alone a marriage) with one?

Got me. No clue. But the SlimStat statistics plugin shows thousands upon thousands of Chinese viewers, week in, week out. It makes sense there’d be Chinese spammers, too…right?


Hopefully, that’s not Chinese porn or anything subversive, right there. I’d hate to have to use my Sergeant Shultz defense, declaring “I know nothing!” But when it comes to written Chinese, I really do know nothing. The characters look pretty much like snowflakes to me, no two of them precisely alike, except for that dangly-angled cross thingy….

Example #3: Every now and then, a spammer’s program will simply copy the title of a post word for word and throw that out as the complete comment. The following is an example of that format, which might have been more successful at getting past Akismet if the user name hadn’t been “wholesale bags”. Had “wholesale bags” attempted to post on an article discussing earthbag construction, it might have made sense.

How Much Do You Know About Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) Warfare?

That spammer not only lacks knowledge about EMP warfare but, apparently, also lacks knowledge pertinent to spam warfare. Hyuck! Hyuck!

Example #4: Everything the spammers are doing tonight seems amusing, so probably it’s just me. But a spam comment consisting of a lengthy URL link and nothing else but three following words…that’s truly hilarious.

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Example #4: Every now and then, we get name droppers–and what greater name to drop when it comes to the Internet than ye olde Google?

Hello there, simply turned into aware of your blog through Google, and located that it’s really informative. I’m gonna be careful for brussels. I’ll be grateful should you proceed this in future. Many other folks will probably be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

I’m gonna be careful for Brussels? That part of the spammer’s wording made me curious. Had I written about the dangers of Brussels sprouts or some such? Brussels, Belgium? No. No, I had not. That comment was thrown at the post on the Run or Dye event in Sierra Vista, Arizona. Be that as it may, however, that spammer is gonna be careful for Brussels, like President George H.W. Bush, who stirred up a political storm when he admitted to not liking Brussels sprouts.

Example #5: When spammers are not using the products they’re promoting as their user names, they usually call themselves Anonymous–and some of the wording by Anonymous spammers is right up there in the amusing category.

hello!,I really like your writing very much! proportion we be in contact extra approximately your article on AOL? I need an expert in this space to unravel my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking ahead to look you.

There’s too much in that one to cover completely, but a couple of goodies deserve to be mentioned. For one, “…your article on AOL?” Not much credibility with that one, considering I’ve never written an article on AOL. If I did, it would be 100% negative, but AOL is pretty much beneath my notice. Also, “looking ahead to look you” is a real beaut. A in English class, right there.

Example #6: In an attempt to sell more tennis shoes, the following spam comment seems designed to overwhelm objections with its sheer number of words. It’s comically insulting, too, talking about doping in sports…and throwing the comment at my page on, of all things, About Me. Never mind doping; one would truly need to be a dope for real to buy what these folks are selling.

she says, And it’s becoming increasingly evident that she will have to take the stand to defend herself if she wants to survive. “We need an Interpol exclusively to combat doping in sport,” Meanwhile, internationally acclaimed musician, Boston Pops, president and CEO of the Association of Prosecuting Attorneys. gated townhome community, Ravi is accused of using a webcam to secretly stream video to the internet of a sexual encounter between Clementi and another man.”From my perspective, If it’s not funny, freed because of DNA evidence after a conviction in a death penalty case,Opponents of capital punishment marked a milestone Thursday as Maryland became the first state south of the Mason-Dixon line to abolish the death penalty.000 VIP tickets have been sold to the polo match along with about 400 general admission passes,” William also plans to demonstrate his skills as a helicopter rescue pilot by taking part in a water-landing demonstration.
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That’s all for now, just a few glimpses into the world of the spam commenter as seen from the receiving end of their random word-gun output. With WordPress software powering a site and the Akismet plugin screening out the spam, there are no major worries about these SONS (Scum Of the Net Spammers), but they do provide a chuckle or two from time to time.

2 thoughts on “Comment Spam on Your Website: The Comic Relief Factor

  1. Ghost, the spam comments rarely make sense and the English is so bad it’s laughable. If the spammers expect to slip through the cracks, the least they can do is brush up on their language skills. Geez!

  2. True. Humor aside, though, I suspect the spammers are strictly going for the low hanging fruit. That is, a major Web operation like WordPress (with the Akismet plugin) or HubPages (with whatever screening program HP uses) can stop them cold–but they (the spammers) do beat out the less skilled programmers. I tried two or three plugins that promised to do what Akismet does, before getting Akismet up and running, and every time the spam programs were able to learn faster than the defensive programs could.

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