No MPs Recipes WARNING: Wheat & the Deadly Bread Machine (No Microplastics Diet)

Wheat is deadly. Modern day bread machines make it even more so. Hence this warning, the first such posted in our No MPs Recipes cookbook.

A further discussion of MPs (microplastics) inadvertently taken into our bodies can be found at Berrymato Power Shot Smoothie.

As part of my diet begun in mid-November of 2017 and created step by experimental step, I decided to buy a bread machine and start baking my own bread the easy way–which is why it says “Deadly Bread Machine” in the title. The SKG unit we purchased from Amazon does the job without much labor on the cook’s part. You just plunk all the ingredients in the anodized aluminum baking bucket, making sure the bread flour is on top of the liquids and the yeast is on top of the dry flour. Then with the push of a button, the thing is off and paddling, beginning the kneading progress. A few hours later, fresh bread and hardly any effort at all.

Of course, the manual doesn’t mention how hot the bail on the bread bucket gets; you’re supposed to be smarter than a first grader, apparently. With so little labor involved, the bread machine is indeed deadly, making it so-o-o simple to consume loads and loads of killer wheat. It’s just too easy to have all those baked goods around, and therein lies the rub.

Wheat, according to various scientific studies, is known to open up gaps in the walls of your intestines. The immune system is alerted when wheat is consumed, but it’s also confused and sometimes starts shooting at those selfsame walls. Plus, two slices of bread will spike blood sugar as quickly as one candy bar. Gliadin, one of the components of gluten (think “gluey” aspects of baking flour that help hold baked goods together) is one of Mother Nature’s sneaky villains.

Wheat is also, get this…addictive.

But that isn’t even the worst of it. Gluten free flour can be found these days, so we’ve outsmarted Mother Nature on that score…we think. Anyway, the most frightening weapon in wheat was put there by…us. Humans. GMO (gene modified) wheat is everywhere these days, the end product of scientists producing high yield hybrid wheat* which is what you see in the stores, either in baked goods or in flour for kitchen use. And this hybrid wheat, a financial boon for the growers for sure…has nasty toxins that belong to the hybrid and the hybrid alone.

Still, even with all of that, I wasn’t quite ready to give up wheat entirely. No hamburger buns? No toast? No more waffles? Okay, so the last waffle I fixed for myself somehow didn’t taste yummy any longer, but that was a fluke, wasn’t it?

No. No, it wasn’t. On the No MPs diet, my system was no longer overloaded with toxins from every food angle imaginable. It had quickly become sensitive, aware, able to spot–and react to–a toxic intruder very quickly.

I was about to get educated

The first loaf out of the new bread machine was a joke, overdone crust with an underdone center. I sampled a thin slice of one heel anyway. My innards were a bit upset and funky the rest of the night, but after my morning constitutional, things seemed back to normal. Probably the lousy baking job, I thought. Worth another try.

The first “learning curve” loaf baked in the SKG bread machine. The cavern was produced by Pam’s finger, poking and testing and nibbling tiny bites.

With a different recipe, this one from Betty Crocker. The SKG version had required too much water, too much sugar, and a few other things I wasn’t sure about.

The second loaf (thank you, Betty) looked really nice. Fresh and hot out of the baking bucket, it looked kitchen-worthy and inviting. I got out the bread knife, sliced off a big ol’ healthy chunk of heel, added four thin pats of butter, and slathered it with raspberry preserves.

Fully baked and ready to leave the bread machine baking bucket. Is this what they mean by a bucket list?

That’s not too big a slice…is it?

Yes, I do like a little bread with my jam. (Preserves, technically.)

M-m-m, good!

Might sill benefit from a wee bit of fine tuning in the recipe, but no complaints…for a few minutes, after which a trip to the closet to get the Alka Seltzer became mandatory. The bread had tasted okay going down, but the aftermath was horrible. One of the primary motivations for starting the No MPs diet was the massive swelling in my lymph nodes that had given me and mine considerable concern for the previous five years. Once on the diet, those glands had been receding noticeably in size. Without doubt, I was on the right track. But within two hours after ingesting the admittedly oversized slice of bread, a node cluster on the left side of my neck had flared dramatically.

Just ahead of and below my left ear, the sudden swelling was rock hard to the touch and terrifying to my brain. It was like I’d escaped from a World War II Nazi prison camp only to suddenly hear guards on my trail. With dogs. “No-o-o-o!”

In that grim moment of discovery, I swore off wheat for life.

The new swelling lessened noticeably after about six hours, down at least by half and not nearly as hard to the touch. When it was time to hit the bathroom after getting up for the day, I had to strain a bit–which I’d done every day for many years, but which never happens on the No MPs diet if I stick to it and don’t mess up like, for example, eating a big slice of nice, fresh, hot bread. Not only that, but the toxic stink motivated Pam to get out her favorite Febreze spray on the spot.

This is, after all, a small house.

Am I suggesting that the world give up on wheat just because it’s poisonous?

Nope. Not even close. According to wheat.org, wheat is eaten by more than 2.5 billion people in 89 countries. Wheat makes a living for a lot of people and provides protein for a whole lot more. Without this staple, untold numbers would die. For those who love their hamburgers, Subway sandwiches, bagels, pasta, doughnuts, cakes, and pies, even thickening for gravies and stews, wheat flat-out keeps a lot of folks alive and happy to come to the table.

Until, of course, it kills them. But that probably takes a while in most cases. I ate wheat for the first 74 years of my life. Wheaties! The Breakfast of Champions! If I’m a typical example, the average consumer doesn’t need to worry too much about it unless he/she wants a gut that works like it should or a chance to live beyond the age of seventy-five.

Turns out they have non-GMO, gluten free coconut flour out there now. Maybe I’ll try that…eventually.

In the meantime, Pam just got up (2:00 a.m.). As part of her breakfast, she asked for toast. I cut a slice from the loaf shown above, toasted it lightly for her, and she loved it. So we’ll be keeping the deadly bread machine and using it to help keep my wife alive a little longer, her need for calories and carbs stronger than her need to detox. In truth, it’s probably the toxins that are keeping her alive anyway, considering the numerous prescription drugs she has to take to function day to day.

Clearly, what’s good for the goose is not always what’s good for the gander.

============================================

*Technically, as my sister, Donna, pointed out to me a few days after I published this post, “hybrid” and “GMO” are not technically the same thing. We were covering a wide range of topics during our conversation and for the sake of time I chose not to explain my thinking on this. Basically, a donkey jumps a horse and a mule is born, which is a hybrid form so unnatural that Mommy Nature doesn’t even let mules make mules. Hybrid wheat is formed by a similar process (don’t ask me which strain of wheat is the donkey and which is the mule) and hybrid wheat cannot reproduce to make more of itself, either.

Following me so far?

Okay, so hybrid wheat produces toxins unknown to the parent plants. GMO wheat (wheat genetically modified by humans) also produces undesired effects when consumed. The “Don’t mess with Mother Nature” rule has been violated in both cases. Ergo, to me, they’re one and the same thing.

I’m all about keeping it simple…even if my thinking violates a few other “rules.” It would be interesting to find out if mule meat contains toxins unknown to either donkey or horse, but approval and funding for that study might be a long time coming, all things considered.